Bad Blood

The hardest part in anyone’s life is losing a loved one; a break-up is irrevocable, a death is irreplaceable, a friend is fucking shit.

We had been friends for 15years. I think this is a fairly considerate/amazing of time – and Facebook memes state that if you know someone for more than 7 years that you’re friends for life – so it must be true…

If our relationship was an ice-cream it would be Rocky Road, or Black Forest, depending on how ’emo’ you consider yourself to be.

Intoxicating, rich, enveloping – unhealthy, thick, addictive.

‘The Ying to my Yang’ is something that immediately springs to mind, but opposites don’t always attract.

In fact, some of the best friendships that I know rely on balance and teamwork, not perfect halves hat make up one whole.

Yes, I like to think of myself as caring, loyal and charismatic, but I am also very selfish, structured and introverted. My other half was passionate, charismatic and extroverted, but under-driven, self-obsessed and angry.

I only realise now that I have recycled numerous words during the previous paragraph, but that is what makes this story.

In my opinion, we were too different, but maybe what broke us is that we are too similar…

I have never experienced a love as deep before, and I fear that I will never again. Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for love, but we took a step further, we murdered the other.

It’s 2017, bitches. The year of HASTAG NO FILTER (but ofc filter).

She has been with her boyfriend for 6 months, Ladies and Gentlemen… And I only finally owned up to this horrific crime a few weeks ago… The night we met… I was out with my bf and her… my bf’s mate thought that SHE was his gf.

I WAS THE FRIEND OF HIS MATE’s GF… didn’t try to hit on me all night long… ALL NIGHT.

She has always described me as ‘everyone’s type’ – which is ironic because that is always how I describe HER…

Anyway, I ended up snogging the bf and – holy shit – ‘SHE’S SINGLE!’ – this guy got on her instantly. INSTANTLY.

CUT ME UP. but why?

That is such a fucking bitch move to make.

How dare I be so obsessed?!

That’s the kinda shit that the two of us would gossip about whilst drinking wine and dancing in our knickers…

But, even when I told her, she didn’t give a fuck. She laughed her tits off, and so did I. We’re so different, we both said.

‘Why don’t you both come along to see my show? I know you’re not performing this time, but it would mean so much to have your support.’

(She didn’t want her bf to see me performing…) Burlesque is my baby. President for a year, a member of the vixens for 5 years. ‘It’s not just about taking your kit off, it’s about confidence and art, you know that, you’ve performed before.’

If someone doesn’t understand then you can’t judge them for taking a particular stance?

But, you’re always going to be on the opposite stand when someone judges your baby.

If we were Beauty and the Beast, I know that I would always be the Beast, she’d never let me be The Beauty. And I would never want to be. I have never had that level of confidence. She’s come over and I have dressed her up and prepared her, like my doll, ready for the playhouse.

That night: I wore silver, and her – gold.

I named my cat after Mika – Golden.

She got hit on
all night.
All I got was shot down.

My pills ran out a few days ago.

Running on empty.

Mood ‘instabilitied’

Time to go home.

‘Come on, let’s go to bed.’

‘I’ve been so shit lately, I haven’t seen you for weeks’

‘You’ve shut me out, what d’you expect of me?’

‘Be there for me’

‘I’ve been through this before, I have the scars’

This hurts. ‘Where? All I see are your arms’

‘Anyone can take pills, don’t try and act like a saint’

‘I don’t feel okay, and for what I did –  I feel forever tainted.’

Slap. Slap.

Awful girl fight.

I’ll show her.

Wrist runs red.

Tears run dry.

Heels are picked up, feet are walked out.

I don’t need this VS I don’t need this.

Too much drink, the bartender professed.

Bad blood.

KP v T.S Hard being a K-Kat and Swift.

I love them both. Same fans, same friends, same shit, different people.

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